Moving for Your Aging Parents: Should You Move, or Should They?

Payton Ryan
11 hours ago
5 min read

Families can easily be spread across the state/country. Whether it’s because, for example, your elderly parents have decided to move to warmer climates (even seasonally), or you moved yourself and your family away from your hometown, these changes have caused many families to be geographically further apart than ever before.

As your parents age, the distance can start to create stress. You may start to worry about their independence and safety, especially if they have new or worsening conditions that affect their daily lives. As such, you may consider closing the distance by either moving your parents or moving nearer to them. In this article, we’ll talk about how to decide who should move, if that’s a choice you’ve decided to make. Let’s dive in.

Factors to Consider When Deciding Who Should Move (From Both Perspectives)

When considering a move for either party on your parents' behalf, you should consider the needs of both sides equally.

Your parents’ needs:

How much care do they need on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis?
What is their current state of independence? Would altering their independence affect their enjoyment of their day-to-day life?
How attached are they to their current surroundings? Their home, neighbors, friends, etc. can all play a role in their well-being.
Are they suffering from a memory condition? Cognitive or memory changes due to a disease like Alzheimer’s or dementia can make adapting to new environments a lot trickier.
Can they afford to move near you? How will that affect their retirement?

Your needs and capacity to meet theirs:

Realistically, how much time do you have to give to your loved ones and their care?
Do you have the mental capacity to take on the care of another? Things like a stressful job, time commitments, raising your own children, etc. can play a role in your mental capacity for meeting their needs long-term. Caregiving is emotionally taxing, it’s important to take time to assess your own bandwidth and capacity. It’s okay if you cannot be the primary caregiver.
Will caring for them create a strain on your financial situation? How about moving/relocation expenses?
How much of your life is anchored to where you are? Consider things like your children’s schools if applicable, cost of living, if you’d need to change jobs, etc.

When considering a long-distance move for either party, it’s important to evaluate the costs on both sides. This is not a one-size-fits-all solution. You need to carefully consider both sides, each party‘s respective needs, the added burdens, and alternative solutions that could maintain the status quo just as effectively.

Pros and Cons of Moving Closer

There are both pros and cons to the decision worth quickly exploring.

Pros

Moving to be close to a loved one or bringing them into your home has many pros to consider, including:

Quality time. Spending quality time with your loved one is a huge benefit for a lot of families, even intergenerationally (grandparents and grandchildren bonding, for example).
Peace of mind. Being under the same roof or nearer to an aging or ailing parent offers you a bit of peace of mind as you can personally assess their condition and needs.

Cons

But there are also definite drawbacks to having your loved ones under the same roof (or much closer) that include:

Reduced independence. Some adults greatly value their independence, and forcing closer proximity can feel like a strain on that freedom.
Strained relationships. Not every family is meant to be together all the time. Some relationships work better with more distance.

These are just a couple of examples of pros and cons in either direction, but you can imagine based on your personal situation how this move will play out in yours.

Other Options to Consider

Regardless of where you fall on the decision spectrum, moving to be closer together is not your only option. If your parents are aging or ailing and need care, you do not necessarily need to be the one to provide it.

If you and your family are settled far from your parents, and your parents are uncompromising on where they live, the best option is not necessarily always to force a move. Instead, you can hire help and care. Here are some alternative options to consider:

Other family and friends. If your parents’ needs aren’t yet full time, consider who else is around to help. You may be able to meet their needs with others who are already around them and share the responsibilities.
Community resources. In Orange County, California there are many local programs and services that can help you support your parents including things like adult daycare, Meals on Wheels, church groups, non-profits, local transport options, etc.
Assisted living. There may be assisted living facilities or retirement communities in your loved ones’ area that can help meet their needs. There are many resources to help locate options for assisted living or memory care facilities in Orange County, CA. A few options are: local placement specialists, the local Office on Aging (Downloads | OC Office on Aging) and the California Department of Social Services Community Care Licensing (Facility Search Welcome).
In-home help. There are also options for in-home health services, including personal care assistance or nursing services that can provide care within your parents’ home.

Closing Thoughts: Moving for Your Aging Parents: Should You Move, or Should They?

When deciding who should move for your aging parents, there are considerations on both sides that need to be weighed accordingly. For some families, moving together, is the best option and allows a lot more financial flexibility, peace of mind, and familial support. For other families, hosting your parents or moving back home to be near them is a less appealing option. Only you can decide what works for you and your family, but we hope this article helped you weigh the option appropriately.

If you need support of any kind, we have an article here that lists some of the Free Resources and Support available to Family Caregivers in Orange County, California.